"The dog thief who has Mangado this book: I know who you are, know where you live, I'll go for you and kill you. Maybe you do not do either today, nor next week. But someday when you least expect it ... you're a stiff, man " When you have 10 years
and are used to reading the classic tales of princesses,
"Steam Boat" or at most some superheroes and suddenly, just open this book you find this prettiness and some more of the style, you know that your life is not never be the same.
I'm talking about "A Guide to Life" written by J. Bartholomew (Jeni J) Simpson . Yes, God made that child has also written books, and above this is a good one. Hand in hand with Bart learned the stark truths of life, and as he says of the hand the guy who has seen it all, heard it all, done it all ... and denies everything. Bart Simpson was the guy who made me a man. Blessed be. Anyway, Bart himself irresponsabiliza any criminal case brought against any player, including disfigurement by shotgun. This guy is a master.
The first chapter takes us a very interesting topic at that time, the
School, the site where you spend sitting more than ten years of hardships. Bart talks about how to forge documents (and the pen is mightier than the sword). Also included is a great report on the various subjects in school: the crybaby, the bully, the hanging, the all-knowing, etc. (
"Which group were you? ). He taught us to copy and make the dreaded text commentary (which takes practice with excellent results). Later in the chapter
Public Order we offer a set of keys to avoid the school bullies head grind you down (how many times I used to
"do not want to hurt you.") But above all, do not forget how a fellow teacher told him if he could visit Mr. Roca (Bart's idea.) Smack and knees all the time. It was the beginning of university
anarchic.
In the following chapters
Food and Health
, giving us etiquette classes at the table and we explained how to whistle the cups to mount a full orchestra dinner (what is this resource used!), a few culinary curiosities, the diet of the twelve donuts Homer daily, some notes on anatomy, common louse analysis (all had), beauty secrets, etc. and finally, did you know that the only way to stop acne is by putting a plastic bag on your head? I guess luckily I never had acne. We
another important area,
Work & Money.
was this American messiah who told us to be a millionaire, secret agent or tattoo would be a good job in later life; and that being overweight was not fair, Republican or exclave of galleys. Included in this Topic escaquecarse home job skills (99% inspiration and 1% perspiration) and guidelines for quick cash (including extortion and blackmail) or for parents to regularly fly loose. Dear friends, money does buy happiness, I used to buy friends, buy love, to be envied, to bribe, etc.
Evening Hours In
and Parents know how to decorate our home and tricks to stay up late watching TV. What memories!. In addition, our dreams and psychoanalysis teaches us to remove from their boxes to our dear parents. But above all, we learned that half a brain thinks about sex parent (the curse word) and if your parents tell you
"Someday you'll thank me" or "I do it all for your sake" were only , are and will remain filthy lies. Anyway there is a black dot on the relationship between Bart and myself, is that Bart took a picture in which caught red-handed Homer dressed as Santa Claus leaving the Christmas present and finding out the cake at the time, truth, was a stick. Arts and Culture in
in
Science and Language
we are introduced to the extraordinary underworld of poetry history, the laws of motion, biology, evolution, home experiments, the language of the deaf (including the finger) and blasphemy in other languages \u200b\u200b(Italian I learned in
"manco per le pale" for example , plus a few sentences rowdy). Animals In
, we illustrated the different types of dog, the lazy, the brute, the psychotic, the pisser, etc, but above all we were told how the mascot would be final.
capital item would arrive, the Sex
. Maybe ten years is a bit early for you to talk about this, but, hey, you have to know everything in life. For the first time I heard say that babies come mostly from the ingestion of alcohol abuse. Now, with age, I understand everything. It also includes a great summary of the battle of the sexes and some tips to link you to the girls in primary education, which remain valid, the more you hate, the more they like you. And finally, why women do not realize that baldness is sexy?
I can not stop talking about the section on Religion
. And it was the first time I heard about the seven deadly sins also included a test in which I also discovered that end up burning in hell. Compounded by our father
quite I'm still praying special.
"Why is there suffering?" , this was a key question to fuck your religion teacher and now Rouco Varela. And in the church, always remember the sermon strongly applaud and strongly burp in his homily. Then a series of advantages and disadvantages of heaven and hell. To say that where there are pretty girls, rock bands
and endless drum solos at the door is not San Pedro. Get it?.
In other chapters some curious ideas gives us this visionary are, for example, a report containing the most common phobias, a few state laws of the USA, a few Homer's epic phrases and a thousand other things that do not comment for lack of space. You could write an epic of this book. Indeed, at the end of the book is a list of 16 utilities in the book, I chose the number 14 (
to see if what averiguáis).
This is a very small summary of this manual, this thesis, the Bible, this compendium of universal knowledge of this Machiavellian concentrated. I never tire of repeat it, thanks, Bart, I owe everything I am. A caring, misguided.
- book rating: 4.5 / 5. You may already be too late for you to read this book, but remember to give it to your children when they meet ten years. Kick off the hump. Anyway, although I am very fond, if you can not find it, Bart taught me that anything can be sold for a modest price, regardless of sentiment. Contact me.